I've been robbed!!!

...and betrayed by my own body. Here's a quick list of the things I cannot do since becoming ill:

1. Drive
2. Take a hot shower
3. Walk in a straight line
4. Walk without running into people or walls
5. Leave my house alone
6. Learn new things easily
7. Read a book
8. Move quickly
9. Be on my feet for more than a few minutes without getting dizzier and without becoming exhausted
10. Read an analogue clock (sometimes...or without difficulty)
11. Identify groupings of more than three objects
12. Remember words (sometimes)
13. Remember meeting new people or having conversations (sometimes)
14. Do any exercise
15. Do any tasks that involve keeping my hands over my head
16. Use a sharp knife (most of the time)
17. Drain boiling water or oil (most of the time)
18. Take things out of the oven (most of the time)
19. Be responsible for another person (I can't babysit alone 95% of the time)
20. Work
21. Go to crowded public places
22. Do more than 15 minutes or so of housework at a time, and no more than once or twice a day on good days
23. Schedule more than one activity for a day
24. Take a shower without sweating my arse off afterwards...and I'm talking a lukewarm shower
25. Take a shower and get dressed within an hour
26. Sleep more than a few hours at a time
27. Express myself well verbally
28. Win any word games (and believe me, I used to win most of the time!)
29. Focus my attention well
30. Socialize easily
31. Remember appointments and schedules
32. Remember many things I've been told recently (often)
33. Remember things from prior to the onset of the illness (often)
34. Multitask
35. Keep track of my bank balance
36. Do simple math easily
37. Remember if I've read an article already until I'm more than halfway through it (often)
38. Remember if I've taken my meds (often)



In many respects, I have gone through a role-reversal. I was a caregiver prior to coming down with (what I assume is) dysautonomia/ POTS. I have been a CNA, a crisis nursery caregiver, a stay at home mother, and a DSP (caregiver for developmentally disabled adults). I used to be the one to ensure others' needs were met. I was the one who helped budget their money. I was the one who helped them do their shopping. I was the one who helped them with their day to day needs. I was the one who ordered and/or shopped for almost every single item a group home needs to run. Now, I am the one who needs the help. It's a very difficult process to accept this.